Me and Dani Eat a Cat

Tonight Bubby was being annoying so me and Dani killed him and roasted him over some candles. We put barbeque sauce on the meat and it was okay.

Nine Steps To Feel Like A Piece Of Dog Shit

1. Locate local food peddler

2. Proceed to sketchy food withering under heat lamp

3. Purchase both a sausage, egg and cheese breakfast sub and a Jamaican beef patty, against the food peddler's advice

4. Find a church to desecrate

5. Open breakfast sub

6. Place beef patty in center

7. Apply hot sauce in a manner befitting one who really does not give a fuck

8. Admire your creation in full view of a shameful God (also, put your sandwich on the ground right before you eat it)

9. Eat yourself to tears

McBreakfast

my my, breakfast guy

i spy a hashbrown fry

sausage pies

eggy lies

yellow goo squirts in my eyes

AAAH IM BLINDDD>!$JK@#:$ kt2398n 1-[´∑ 8
please somebdy take me to the hospital 

Han Noodle Bar

I'd tried them before, and frankly, I wasn't very impressed. The appetizer of cuttlefish was tasty and had that gorgeous wok-flamed flavor, but was minuscule and unsatisfying. On top of that, the beef soup had none of the flavor and attitude that my mom's ngo zo mein (sp?) has. When you grow up on Cindy Roberts' beef noodle soup, you have discerning frickin' tastes. However, this last visit was more impressive. For an app I tried the spicy beef tendon. Apparently, according to my mom, she's served me this "odd" (ethnocentrically speaking) cut of meat before, and I did not approve. Whatever. This time around, I was totally into it. The texture was reminiscent of an old jello that you left out for too long: the outside layer having toughened somewhat but easily yielding at a slight increase in pressure. Once through that outer jellosphere you glide through the connective tissue like a ginsu. It was pungent and flavorful, laced with enough Szechuan peppercorns to numb your face up like you've been on a three day bender with David Lee Roth in September of 1984.

 

David Lee Roth was way into Szechuan peppercorns back in September of 1984.

As a main course I had the Hot and Spicy Pork Stomach. I've been increasingly trying to eat offal at any chance that I get, and I never regret it, even if I know that I could have had something that I would feel was more delicious. The satisfaction that I'm experiencing something new, that I'm learning, is better to me than tasting the same dish over and over again, no matter how good it is.

That being said, this shit was kinda funky. You could definitely tell that it wasn't regular meat that I was eating, but rather some section of digestive tissue. The flavors and textures are palpably different from those of the muscle material surrounding them: gamey, chewy, and just slightly off. Not off in a rotten or spoiled sense... just... off the beaten path for my usual palate.

 yeah, that's pretty much it.

Still though, awesome meal. I walked away having felt like I've learned something, and a full head is better than a full stomach (although both were) in my opinion.

Big Deal Pizzeria

(1:03 A.M.) So I'm sitting here on a Friday night after a hard night's work, watching the spaghetti western classic Django (Django is currently eating chili with a spatula), and a man is feeling some pizza and wings. At first I was going to get some Bertino's; they had a deal for a large cheese and 12 wings for 18.99 but after being put on hold for five freaking minutes I said "fuckit" and called Big Deal, who apparently have a deal for a large cheese and 20 wings for only a buck more. Yeah baby. I feel like I'm getting burned out on the usual Buffalo style sauce, so I ordered half of them as Garlic Parm, and the other half as Cajun BBQ. The pizza is to be well done and crispy, if they know what's good for them. We'll see how the food is when they get here. C'mon boys.
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(2:12 A.M.) Where the hell are these guys?...
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Lee's Vietnamese Sandwiches

 

Just ate a Banh Mi Xa Xium (BBQ Pork Sandwich) at Lee's Vietnamese Sandwiches at 982 Monroe Ave. First thing that struck me? It was frickin' WARM! I'm so used to the Banh Mi with the ever-so-funky chilled pates that a warmed roll threw me off guard! Holy Smokes! Then I bit into it!

Sorry, I'm getting a little excited....

calm down dave...

breadgasm.

The bread was crunchety crispety but light as a feather! Compared to the doughy, chewy mess down the street at the newly opened Whatta Banh Mi (do I sense a trend coming along here?) this was a godsend. I took a peek inside and instead of the mystery meat (which I love, don't get me wrong here) was thinly sliced pork with pink edges that resembled Chinese char siu. It was tasty, but frankly there wasn't much meat, and the already potent combination of the cilantro, pickled daikon, and pickled carrots was pretty much all I could taste. If they perhaps doubled the meat on that badboy then I feel like the flavors would be in a harmonious balance. However, this is a carnivorous American piece of shit talking here, and as far as I know, this is pretty unadulterated Vietnamese fare. Trust the chef Dave, trust the chef. Besides, all that light and refreshing herbaceousness is pretty darn good all on it's own. Also of note was the buttery flavor on the roll. I'm so used to the mayonnaise on Banh Mi that the butter seemed a bit odd. I think I prefer the tanginess of the mayo to the errrm.. butteriness of the butter, but that's just a small point. All in all, a good Banh Mi. Right now it's neck and neck with Vinh-Hao over on South Clinton, but far better than Whatta Banh Mi down the street. Next time I'm going to try the Beef Stew they recommended when I walked in. Maybe later today...

 

it reminds me of boy scouts! now all i need is art streeter cupping my balls behind the latrine and i'll be in seventh grade all over again! 

First Entry: The Modus Operandi

So, this is my first entry into the blogging world. A world I felt was once reserved for the obnoxiously self important; the insistent jerk who screamed, "THIS is what I think, and you NEEEEEED to know about it!" Well, now I'm one of those assholes. Why? .....because I read their stuff. I read and ENJOY these pushy jerks throwing their opinions out there as if we're supposed to care. So screw it. Why not throw my two cents into the ring? I have thoughts, feelings and insights too, right? I'm going to talk about food. Food in Rochester, New York. Food made by hard working individuals, a lot of the time immigrants, trying to make a new life for themselves. These people are some of my favorite in the world. Their courage, determination, and just straight up balls amaze me and they're absolutely worthy of my (and your's) attention, respect, and admiration. Perhaps my mom being one of them gives me a bias. Whatever! But enough on that little tangent. FOOD. FOOD. FOOD. FOOD. Where to eat it, what to buy, why I love it, how to make prepare it, blah blah blah. I'll talk about that a little bit. I'll talk about music and movies too. And people. And whatever I feel like. But mostly just food. It's the world's second universal language behind laughter, and hopefully you'll get a little of that too. BOOM!